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What's the best road sign in Auburn?
Tuscaloosa - 120 miles
Billy Bob from Auburn started his first day of kindergarten. When he got home he rushed to tell his Paw, "Paw, Paw, Teacher ast us to ree-cite the alpherbet today en Ah wuz the onliest one that could!" His Paw replied "That's cuz you's from Allbarn, son!" The next day he came home and told his Paw "Paw, Paw, Teacher ast us to count as high as we could en Ah counted the highest!" His Paw replied, "That's cuz you's from Allbarn, son!" The next day, he came home and told his Paw "Paw, Paw, today, when we wuz all in the li'l boys room, Ah noticed Ah wuz the biggest of all! Ah bet that's cuz Ah'm from Allbarn, huh Paw?" His Paw replied, "No son, that's cuz yer 17 years old."
Why is Auburn always in the dark?
Because they're afraid of Alabama Power!
A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened. Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him "When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work." The sales manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear. He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham, and listening to smooth sounds. Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. "Stupid rednecks!" he screamed. The radio immediately blurted TOUCHDOWN AUBURN!!!!
It was recently announced that a franchise was building a new Taco Bell in Auburn. The University's response was "Why do we need another phone company here?"
Several years ago the city of Tuscaloosa decided to lease several English style double decker buses to transport the Auburn and Alabama fans to the Iron bowl. On this bus, the Bama fans were on the bottom level and the Auburn fans were on the top deck. as we started off to the stadium, all of the Bama fans were making a lot of noise yelling Roll Tide! and having a good time. We noticed that the Auburn fans were being really quiet. Not a sound was coming from the upper deck. I decided to go up top and see what was wrong. As I arrived up top , I noticed that all of the Auburn fans had their hands clasped on the rail in front of them and they all were white as a sheet. I was stunned. I asked them why they all were so frightened? They screamed with fear in their eyes, "THIS DAMN THING's MOVING AND WE DON'T HAVE A DRIVER!!!"
Two Auburn fans are walking in the woods. One says, "Look! A dead bird." The other one looks up into the sky and says, "Where?!?"
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